October 9, 2008

More Riley:
"Mom, Mom!"
(I'm on the computer writing last night's blog.)
"What, Riley?" (looking at the clock realizing its 45 minutes past his bedtime.)
"Mom, do I have awesome rock hard abs?"
"What?!"
"I've been using Dad's new exercise thing. I did 200. Feel my stomach."
I feel his stomach. His skin is soft and new, he's only eight after all.
"Wow, Riley, you DO have awesome rock hard abs!"
His dimples appear, which means he's smiling.
"Cool."

Happy Birthday Mom!

Lately I have been on a mission to transfer my VHS to my computer in order to make DVD home movies. After all, in 20 years when I am old and reliving my past by crying over home movies, will there really be a working VCR?

In watching the film from 10 years ago, I have discovered that I liked my kids a bit more when they were little. Its not that I don’t like them now, its just that back then there wasn’t as much screaming, name calling, and general misbehaving. Maybe I do better with smaller children than I thought. I was certainly nicer on the video than I am now. And I seemed happier too.

Funny how perception works.

Its not that my kids are bad, because they aren’t. It is just that together, all four of them, is more than a handful. There is so much competition to be the best, to get attention, to be head honcho, that lately they haven’t left much room for friendship.

When I was growing up, my sister and I fought. And fought. And fought some more. She was the typical older sister, I was the middle child. I was not allowed to be anything like her. Do anything like her. Once when we lived in Maryland, we shared a room in the house in the house that was not on Autumn Valley Lane. That was the first house, I am referring to the second house, but the name of the street escapes me. I am sure I’ll think of it in a minute.

There was a thunderstorm. I don’t know if it was a bad one or not, but as a 6 year old child, I was scared. My sister and I were in our room and my bed was closer to the window, hers closer to the door. She hid behind her bed and proclaimed that the thunder and lightening could not get her where she hid. So I got on the side of my bed that was not closest to the window. I had been informed that the thunder and lightening was going to come into the room through this particular window. I was then informed that where I was stationed was not safe. The thunder and lightening could still get me there. Terrified I got up to go over to where safety was and was promptly informed that I was not allowed on her side of the bed.

Why I did not just walk out of the room, I do not know. What possessed my sister to be mean to me, I do not know. I just remember feeling panicked that I would be struck dead at any moment and that the one safe place was a place where I was not allowed.

What possesses my kids to fight? Or to be mean to each other? I’ll never know the answer. Even after competing with my sister all those years, I don’t understand it now. I guess I am now the old cranky dog that is annoyed by the pups.

Somehow Riley became afraid of thunder and lightening. It terrified him for about a year. Even in the middle of the night the thunder would wake him up, when it woke no one else up, and he would come running into my room. Maybe his roommate insisted that the bottom bunk was not safe. Maybe it is his mild personality. It got so bad that even if it looked like it might storm, he would run inside and cower.

So one day, I sat down and asked him why he was afraid. I don’t think he quite knew. All he knew was that it scared him. So I let him in on a little secret. And maybe you don’t know this secret yet either. Sometimes growing up makes you forget.

“Remember when we went bowling? Remember the low rumbling sound when the ball rolls toward the pins? Remember the loud noise when the ball hits the pins? What does that remind you of?”

“I dunno.”

I hear that a lot. It gets annoying.

“Doesn’t it sound like thunder?

“I guess.”

“Well, most people don’t know this, but the angels are actually having a bowling party. Strobes lights and everything. Remember the flashing lights at the bowling place?”

He had to think about this for a while.

“Does Heavenly Father let them bowl?”

“Well, sometimes he doesn’t know that they are bowling until it gets really loud, and so he makes them stop.” Cause a storm eventually stops, right?

“Do they get in trouble?”

“I suppose if it gets too loud he does, because they sure do bowl a lot at night. And that’s when we are sleeping. Heavenly Father knows we need our rest.”

More thinking.

And then a smile.

And he has never been afraid since.